I have sausage fingers. Short, stubby sausage fingers. I’m perfectly aware of it and I don’t need YOU pointing it out, prick. Sorry… I’m projecting.

It’s nice to meet you, by the way. I’m Tina. I’m almost 23, living in Nashville, and, sometimes, I use commas too much. I used to be a normal girl (and by normal girl I mean equal parts old cat lady and young gay man).  But last year something changed. I bought a bottle of teal nail polish and something inside me snapped in a way that I can’t quite put into words. Oh wait, yes I can: I became a fucking nail polish fiend.

I’ve been quite content to keep this obsession to myself (I’m lying… I never shut the fuck up about it) but now I’m going to share my chubby fingertips with the internet. This is a pretty big step for me. I spent most of my life keeping my tiny hands hidden in pockets, gloves, fluffy kitties…

Nail polish is to my hands what huge implants are to strippers.  It says, “Hey, ignore the weird c-section scars and look up top.” Please disregard my sausage fingers and enjoy the pretty colors.

Speaking of boobs, this manicure is inspired by melons. I did it with tape and toothpicks, which is basically how I do everything. It’s not perfect. The dots smeared while I was putting on my topcoat and I reacted appropriately.

My manicures won’t always be perfect, my cuticles may be messy, and my designs may be ugly or strange but I…um…I’m going to be honest with you: I don’t know where I was going with that. 

-Tina

P.S. My mom doesn’t think my color combinations look good. She also thinks I should blog about her instead. PSH yeah right like that’ll…oh god dammit.